I was inspired by a blog I viewed some days ago where the writer spoke about the “people that saved her life.” I was so inspired to share that I decided to recreate my own version of a log of: individuals + things that have made a similar impact within my life.
Past lovers: I think this one is common, but wait, let me tell you why. I think as humans we discover ourselves through our interactions and experiences with others. [Because] Love is [one of] the only thing(s) I care about, I have allowed its wings to carry me as gracefully as dry leaves trust the wind. Learning to love, in-and-out of existing as a lover, journaling along with structuring conversations around these exact experiences has given me the opportunity to retrospectively view myself as a participant in loves maze, which as a young woman has helped me in many ways. This reflective process supported me in identifying specific qualities associated to the person I was while engaged with others, which I later found is not always the person I am alone. My greatest finding was: how I learned to embodied the components of creating and maintaining successful companionship and what this idea of “success” in a relationship looked like for me. In addition, I learned that my heart was capable but I also learned that at times I exhibited qualities of someone extremely unpredictable and mildly unstable. I learned that “when the heart breaks it does not break even” but in the midst of this I dually learned that each day offers new possibilities and only the strong survive so “get up and go get em’ girl!” I learned that my first love should be self-love and lastly I learned that love has no guarantee on its own but that if we choose love we must actively nurture it, or as anything that requires care but is not cared for, will eventually cease to exist.
My 1st Degree: Graduating from my first four year institution gave me the courage to believe I could conquer the world. On the day of graduation, I feel that I accomplished more than just earning a sheet of fine printed paper in a lavish frame. This day for me defeated the stigma that a girl like me, battling mental health, could not accomplish anything like this. This day for me pushed me past all the limitations thrown at me as a child by educators who instead of encouraging me counted me out. On this day something inside me blossomed and from that very moment I never again doubted my ability to succeed.
Literature: As an extremely outspoken child, I faced various situations where I was punished for saying the “wrong” thing. I gravitated towards writing because on paper I knew I could release without repercussions. I knew I would not be judged and most importantly no one would cut me off mid paragraph, which was unheard of. During this time I also grew to love books for they allowed me to be in two places at once. As the child with the greatest imagination, reading for me became an outer-body experience that literally kept me in one place for periods of time. From the eyes of my providers I think they would agree that because of these loves, in more circumstances than one, literature saved my life.
Self-care Logs: I am a “notes” enthusiast. When I am on the go, which is 98% of the time, I make it a priority to log my thoughts/feelings into notes so when I am free I may revisit them and attach them to the self-care reminder I may need at that time. I briefly spoke about this in my last post, a few months back I decided to create a: “Things I do for my self-esteem” log which is my lucky rock or four-leaf clover if you will. This log stands as an encouragement aid and so much more in my times of need. This practice for sure has, more than once, saved my life.